Arrmaitee (arrmaitee) wrote,
Arrmaitee
arrmaitee

Seven Days - Chapter 8


Seven Days - Chapter 8

September 20, 1996. Saturday.

Day 5


“You mean that the wolfman boned your Mum?”

“WHAT?” Harry screeched.

“But you just said…”

“I DID NOT SAY THAT REMUS BONED MY MUM, MALFOY! IF YOU ACTUALLY WATCHED THE VIDEO INSTEAD OF TRYING TO COP A FEEL YOU WOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT REMUS WAS BONED BY THE VIDEOMAN AND DID NOT EVEN LAY ONE OF HIS BONEY FINGERS ON MY MUM’S DELICATE FLOWER!”

“She didn’t look that delicate to me.”

“HOW DARE YOU!”

“Will you please calm down, Potter?” Draco chided. “You’re making me very nervous, and all that muscle tension could lead to premature aging.”

“Sod off, Malfoy.”

“Dear God, you’re actually not screaming. Does that mean you’ve accepted that you might have a secret sibling who is half wolf?”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


--------------


“Awoooooooooooo. Awoooooooooooo.”

“Now what the fuck are you doing, Malfoy?” Harry rasped.

“Nothing.”

There were several moments of uncomfortable silence.

“Awoooooooooooo.”

“Draco, what are you doing?”

“Um… just a simple wolf mating call.”

“I’m not even going to dignify that.”

“Awoooo?”

“Oh, shut up.”


--------------


“You know, Malfoy, it might pay to visit Professor Lupin and have him identify the videoman.”

“But I’m having so much fun tormenting you.”

“Okay, take your time. I’m not the one whose gonna be BONED by the videoman in less than two days.”

“WHAT? TWO DAYS? THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WASTING SO MUCH TIME, POTTER? THAT’S PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!”


--------------


Harry and Draco bolted down the hallway to Professor Lupin’s office. Panting, Harry knocked on the door.

“Professor Lupin?” Harry called out.

There was no answer.

“He’s not in his office,” Harry stated.

“No, he’s probably wanking off to a video of your Mum.”

“Draco…”

“Yeeeeeeees.”

“If you make one more inference that Remus shagged my Mum…”

“Yeeeeeeees.”

“I’m going to have to punish you.”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.”

“Would you like to be punished?”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.”

“All right. You’ve been very bad, Draco. Very bad. Now let’s go find Professor Lupin.”

“That was it?”

“Yep.”

“You’re not going to tie me up and spank me?”

“Nope.”

“You’re not going to use home-made handcuffs?”

“Nope.”

“That totally sucked!”

“Yep.”

“It’s not funny, Potter.”

“Yep.”

“Stop that.”

“Nope.”

“Harry…”


--------------


Harry and Draco left Lupin’s office and descended into the Dungeon to pay a visit to Professor Snape. Draco knocked on Snape’s office door.

“Professor Snape?”

“Come in, Draco.”

Draco entered the office. Harry followed.

“Why did you have to bring him? I’m still queasy from watching you two suck face in the Astronomy Tower on Thursday. Imagine what your father would think if I told him that I found you and Potter together.”

“Professor, you wouldn’t...” Draco gasped.

“Well, I could conveniently forget the terrible incident if my star pupil were to spend some special time with me… alone.”

Draco and Harry were startled to hear a snicker.

“Oh, Sevvy, you’re such a hamburger helper. You know you want to bury you’re aged angus beef between Draco’s two milky white buns.”

“Good afternoon to you, too, Wolfie. I’m sure you know all about burying bones.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“Professor Lupin. We were looking for you,” Harry added, obviously changing the subject.

“Huh? Me? Why? I mean… of course, Harry. Do you two lovebirds want some chocolate?”


--------------


“So you want me to watch a video?” Remus asked, now seated at his desk.

Harry glanced around Professor Lupin’s office and met Draco’s hungry eyes before replying, “Yes.”

“Well why didn’t you just say so? Is it a kinky Muggle flick?” Remus asked.

“Um… sort of,” Harry replied uncomfortably. “You might find it kinda familiar.”

“Really, who does it star?”

“You.”

“Harry? How could you?” Remus snapped. “I had a sneaking suspicion that someone was videotaping me at the Gryffindor urinal, but to think it was James Potter’s son. Dear Lord!”

“Umm… that’s not it, Professor.”

“No?”

“Can we just watch the video?” Draco chimed in.

Harry played the video for Remus. After it ended, Remus glanced at the recorded static on the screen, and then shifted his eyes onto Harry. There was a somber silence.

“What’s your price, Harry?”

“What?”

“How much for that video? I can’t believe you got a bootleg copy of it. Wasn’t your Mum a total knock-out?”

“Professor Lupin!” Harry replied, shocked. “The video is not for sale. We actually plan to destroy it. But first we need to know the identity of the mystery bloke with the long dark hair and the fourteen inch cock.”

“Harry, don’t you recognize your Godfather?”

End of Chapter 8

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Tags: harry potter, humor, parody, slash
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