This parody is RATED HARD R and includes lots of Harry Potter SLASH!
This parody contains spoilers from the first five Harry Potter books.
This parody is not authorized by and is in no way affiliated with Anne Rice or her series, The Vampire Chronicles. In this regard, Anne Rice's "copyrighted" characters will not appear in this fanfic. This is a Harry Potter fanfic written for the Harry Potter fandom, and any vampires involved will not be named Lestat or Louis. Don't worry, Anne, we can live without you...
This parody is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, and various publishers, including but not limited to: Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made by this story and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter 1: Bloody Harry
Draco stirred in his coffin in the Slytherin dungeon. From the eerie pall cast by the moonlight and the grating howl of Lupin prowling without his werewolf meds, Draco realized that it was now ten ‘til midnight. And he knew that it was time for him to feed.
Draco hadn’t always been a vampire. He used to be a stuck-up, closet case who spent his first six years at Hogwarts hoping to have Potter pop his precious. One night, Draco climbed up naked to the top of the Astronomy Tower hoping to reenact From Here To Eternity with his “one true pairing,” but Potter was nowhere to be found. Instead, it was a vampire that answered his mating call. Twenty minutes later, Draco awoke in the infirmary with a splitting headache and one hell of a hickey.
That was three weeks ago. And for three weeks, Draco hadn’t fed. But now he was determined to drain Potter and make him his bitch. There was only one problem. Draco had recently caught a bad case of the whooping cough, and he wasn’t sure whether his hacking would work in derogation of his animal magnetism.
Draco arose from his coffin and gasped. Pansy Parkinson was lying naked on a full length silver platter holding a solitary, long-stem, red rose and arching her neckline. Draco was nauseated at the sight. Pansy knew this was an OOC slash fanfic. What the fuck was she thinking!
Draco stepped over his virgin offering and walked into the lavatory to get ready for his first… bite. He was paler that usual… but hopefully Potter was into the porcelain look. Draco fixed his hair, put on his finest silk cape and headed for the stairs. Potter better have received his note.
It was a long hike up the Astronomy Tower, and by the time Draco arrived he was STARVING!!!!! Draco paused at the top of the stairs. Potter was there… waiting for him. They would finally be together.
“What d'you want to talk to me about, Malfoy?” Harry sneered. Draco quickly minimized the distance between them, and whispered into Potter’s ear.
“I vant… to suck… your… [COUGH][HACK]!”
“What?” Harry leapt back, looking slightly nauseated. “Are you alright?”
Damn whooping cough. Draco held his breath and seductively approached his prey.
“Potteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer, look into my eyes. I vant… to suck… your [CHOKE][HICCUP]!”
Harry jumped back again, seeming concerned. “But I thought we were arch enemies. I realize that this is an OOC slash fanfic, but my dogmatic sense of self refuses to cave to the deranged fantasies of a twisted author who should be doing his homework instead of writing this trash!”
The little bitch was playing hard to get. Draco would have to take another tactic.
“PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!” Draco begged, falling on his knees and soiling his freshly pressed cape. “LET ME SUCK YOUR [GASP][HACK][COUGH]!”
“Umm… are you sure you’re not contagious?” Harry asked nervously. Draco suppressed a cough and shook his head.
“Well, if you insist,” Harry replied, unbuttoning his jeans and exposing his thirteen inch cock [alright, it was really six and a half inches, but Draco was so famished he was seeing double].
“I insist,” Draco replied, grasping Potter’s beefcake and looking for a nice juicy vein.
“But you have to swallow,” Harry insisted with a devilish smirk.
“Don’t worry, Potter. I will definitely swallow…”
Draco found a juicy vein in Potter’s dong. The vein was kinda small, but it would have to do. Draco gave the vein a quick lick, just to make sure that Potter wasn’t at all suspicious, and then proceeded to open his mouth, expose his pearly white fangs, and sink them into Potter’s ripe banana.
“OH MY GOD!!!!” Harry screamed. “DON’T USE YOUR TEETH!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
After six hours, five pints of blood, and two love bites in Potter’s shaft, Draco awoke to find a very pale Potter lying naked next to him in his coffin in the Slytherin dungeon. Draco snuggled up to his newly mangled boyfriend, and whispered:
“So how was it for you?”
Author's Note: Hi all! I hope you enjoyed this fanfic. The new Chapter 2 is available here.
Also, thanks to www.vampires-witches.org for the artwork base.