Arrmaitee's LiveJournal

Hello again!

2009-12-02T17:12:56Z

Well, it's been about a year since my last update, but I'm still alive and kicking. I am back in New York now. I saw HBP (which was hilariously bad in my view) and have been working on some original writing. Maybe I will return to slash at some point. I know one thing -- I'm not going to go over to the Twilight fandom, as my loyalty lies with HP.

For those of you who are still heaging out in LJ land, say hi. And pls let me know if you have some cool new icons. I could use some new ones.

I hope you all have a great holiday season!

Who's Nailin' Palin

2008-10-18T15:35:38Z

Hello,

I know I haven't updated in lightyears. But I had to post this -- the script for the porn spoof Who's Nailin' Palin. It's fucking hysterical. Enjoy!

http://www.tmz.com/2008/10/08/get-a-load-of-this-whos-nailin-palin-script-1/

Tribute to Josiah

2008-02-14T06:06:06Z

OMG IDOL WTF?!!!

2008-02-14T05:08:09Z

My thoughts on the top 24

I CANNOT believe Josiah didn't make it. I feel like boycotting the show. He's the only one who sang with feeling. And they cut Cardin? And farm boy? This season is going to suck...

ETA: All I know is Danny and his ubergay eyeliner has to go.

*shudders*

Hilarious joke

2008-02-14T00:34:10Z

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah." This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish."

The man sat and thought about it for awhile and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel. No, think of another wish."

The man said "OK" and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying... know what they really want when they say nothing... know how to make them truly happy."

The genie paused for a moment, then replied, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

LMFAO!

2008-01-31T04:59:08Z

For those of you who need a good laugh, check out this week's Savage Love, where Dan Savage provides love advice to a bloke attracted to... er... other species.

It's totally WRONG, but hilarious nonetheless.

OMFG - you have to see this!!!

2008-01-28T05:49:30Z

I just finished watching a recent episode of Make Me A Supermodel (a new Bravo TV show). The (obviously gay) producers decided to put the two hottest straight male models together for a homoerotic photo shoot and BDSM-inspired catwalk. I've never seen ANYTHING like it on American TV. It's completely out of control.

Here is the smoking hot video clip.

Enjoy!!!

Hilarious story

2008-01-24T16:13:53Z

So I was out with daylyn on Saturday night, and we went to a trendy bar to grab a drink. And this bar specializes in making rasberry mojitos and adding a stick of sugar cane in them. So obviously after drinking the mojito my first inclination was to chew on the sugar cane (because it was soaked with alcohol and it tasted really good).

Anyway, there I was standing with daylyn in a corner and chewing on sugar cane when a guy comes up to me and asks:

"Do you suck on them often?"

daylyn immediately falls into a fit of hysterics, but I am so drunk it doesn't occur to me that I am OBVIOUSLY being hit on with a line so-worthy of a slash fanfic. And so I reply:

"Oh, just once in a while."

At that point, daylyn was on the verge of tears and then it dawned on me what just happened. I should write the fic. LMFAO!

Stunned

2008-01-23T04:13:45Z

I am stunned to hear that Heath Ledger died. Just last week we lost Brad Renfro. They were both in their mid-twenties with their whole lives ahead. And Heath was an amazing actor. It's so sad! I have no words for how his death upsets me.

May he rest in peace.

Hello

2007-11-26T04:09:05Z

I know - it has been ages since I've posted on my LJ. Heck, I still haven't even posted my thoughts on JK outing Dumbledore... *shudders*

Anyway, I hope all is well in the fandom since I went on hiatus a few months back. Anyone care to fill me in on what's going on?

BIZARRE HP DREAM

2007-08-30T05:25:59Z

Hi all,

So last night I had the most BIZARRE dream. I was in a 50's cafe - something a la Johnny Rockets - and I saw a number of the customers sneaking out of the cafe and not coming back. So I followed this blonde country girl and her boyfriend out of the cafe to see where they were going, and they led me to a secluded parking lot in the back. When I got there I was quite surprised to see at least six different couples fucking in the parking lot.

My eyes immediate darted to two familiar faces shagging in the center of the lot - Remus and Draco! Now bear in mind that I have never shipped Remus and Draco before so I was SHOCKED to see Draco bouncing up and down in Remus's lap straddling his pogo-stick like a veteran gay porn star.

I distinctly recall thinking -- is that a SHIP?

And that's when I woke up.

Thoughts?

ETA: As a tribute to this dream, if you have any Remus/Draco fics, please post a link here. Thanks.

NOT AGAIN!

2007-08-03T17:19:59Z

I really despise LJ right now. I can't believe that they are banning even more innocent LJ users under the guise of protecting the "new and improved" TOS. LJ is going corporate and everyone knows it. So before I get banned for expressing my free speech on my personal LJ (which I am sure is also a violation of the new TOS), keep in mind that all of my works are on Skyehawke and/or Fanfiction.net. I also have a Greatest Journal account (Arrmaitee), but I am not sure that I plan to use it at this point.

Pls let me know where I can find you all if we all start dropping like flies. I love my flist.

Cheers,
Arr

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!

2007-07-30T16:48:55Z

Hi all,

I just wanted to thank everybody who came out to read and review Epilogue, my slashly reinterpretation of the Deathly Hallows epilogue. I received more feedback on this fic in three days than I have on any other one-shot that I've written.

It's great to know that the fandom still appreciates pure, unadulterated crack! I love you all!

Arr

NEW FIC!

2007-07-27T08:21:51Z

Epilogue

Arrmaitee

WARNING: DH SPOILERS!

SUMMARY: SLASH! PARODY! You've all read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. But for those who crave an unauthorized, uncensored view of what really happened during the final book’s epilogue - nineteen years after Harry's saucy, slashy romp at Hogwarts - read on…

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’d like to extend a special thanks to daylyn for her unfailing help and support with this fic.

WARNING: DH SPOILERS!

-------------

Epilogue

NINETEEN YEARS LATER

Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first of September was crisp and golden as an apple, and as the little family bobbed across the rumbling road toward the great sooty station, the fumes of car exhausts and the breath of pedestrians sparkled like cobwebs in the cold air.

"What the hell’s that supposed to mean?" Harry snarled, entering King's Cross station. He looked slovenly and ragged, with torn jeans, a dirty sweatshirt, and his infamous unkempt hair decidedly unwashed.

"It's poetic," Ginny retorted, guiding her three children into the station. "Not that you would have an appreciation for artistic expression."

Harry glared at his wife, then turned and shuffled toward platform nine and three-quarters.

"Scourgify," Ginny muttered, pointing her wand at Harry's back.

"How dare you!" Harry barked.

"I will not have you embarrass our youngest son on his first day at Hogwarts," Ginny yelled.

"Here they go again," James whispered to Albus-Severus and Lily. The other siblings nodded.

"You think I'm an embarrassment to my children?" Harry screeched.

"Well if you'd actually get a job, then no!"

James led Lily and Albus-Severus onto the platform while their parents continued to argue.

"I haven't worked a day in nineteen years!" Harry bellowed. "Why should I start now?"

Ginny pulled out a flask of firewhiskey and took a long swig. "Because we live in a fucking tent in Hyde Park, Harry!"

"It's a luxurious tent!" Harry insisted, lighting up a cigarette and blowing smoke rings at his wife. “Besides, I grew up in a cupboard, so it’s a huge improvement.”

"Well I was raised in a house!" Ginny snapped. "I expected better for my children!"

"You call that run-down shack a house?"

"FUCK YOU!"

Ginny took another swig of firewhiskey as Harry put out his cigarette. She looked around and saw half of King's Cross station staring at them. Everyone around them quickly turned away and pretended not to be watching.

"FUCK ALL OF YOU!" she shouted.

"Shall we go, honey?" Harry asked, gesturing toward the entrance to platform nine and three-quarters.

Ginny glared at her husband and stormed onto the platform. Harry followed. When they crossed the magical barrier, they saw James and Albus-Severus arguing about whether Albus was going to be sorted into Slytherin.

"I only said he might be in Slytherin," said James, grinning at his younger brother.

"Your father's been in several Slytherins," Ginny muttered.

"Jealous?" Harry asked, giving his backside a swish.

"Not particularly," his wife replied, taking another swig from her flask. "You're not all that and a bucket of butterbeer, Harry."

"What're you talking about?" Ron argued, joining the conversation. "Harry has an eight-inch cock."

Hermione's jaw dropped. Ron blushed madly and then staggered into his two children, Rose and Hugo, knocking Hugo over. Ginny looked unfazed.

"I mean… er… when I was Harry… you know… Polyjuice…" Ron stammered, "I… er… became aware of… um… his… equipment."

"It's all right, Ron," Hermione said, putting her arm around Harry. "We've all tasted Harry before.”

"NOT MY HUSBAND, YOU BITCH!" Ginny roared, slapping Hermione hard across the face.

"AS IF YOU WERE A VIRGIN WHEN YOU MARRIED HARRY," Hermione hollered, decking Ginny and wrestling her to the ground. "REMEMBER NEVILLE? AT THE YULE BALL?"

"Neville? Does she mean Professor Longbottom?" Albus-Severus asked his father.

Harry nodded.

"No wonder Mum wanted us to give our love to him."

Harry pulled his youngest son aside. "Albus-Severus, you are named after the two greatest headmasters at Hogwarts. I gave my love to both of them repeatedly."

Albus-Severus's eyes widened. "Can I board the train now, Dad?" he asked. "Please?"

"Yeah, can I go, too?" Lily asked. "I can't take another two years of this shit."

Harry was about to respond when he saw Draco Malfoy standing over in the corner near his wife and son. Draco's hairline was receding. Harry looked horrified.

"I can't believe you're… b-b-b-balding," Harry stammered. Draco nodded curtly and gestured toward the two people beside him.

"This is my son Scorpius and my wife Goyle."

Ginny and Hermione stopped wrestling and looked over at Draco in horror. Standing next to him was Goyle, wearing red lipstick, high heels and a body-hugging, floral-print tube dress. Scorpius look absolutely mortified.

"Oh dear God," Harry uttered, lighting another cigarette.

"You can say that again," Ginny said, climbing to her feet and take a huge swig from her flask.

"Well at least Goyle was willing to commit, Harry," Malfoy hissed, slapping Goyle firmly on the ass.

"Ow, you bitch," Goyle squealed, clearly enjoying it.

Ron helped Hermione to her feet. She nodded in appreciation and then looked over at Malfoy and Scorpius. "But how…" she asked, clearly puzzled.

"MPreg," Draco said. "J.K. secretly reads fanfiction."

Scorpius hurried away from his parents and approached Albus-Severus.

"I can't believe they named me Scorpius," he whined.

"Would you rather be named Hugo? Or Victoire?" Albus-Severus asked.

"Or Albus-Severus?" Hugo added smugly.

Scorpius looked distraught. Rose approached him.

"Cheer up," she said. "At least you don't have a sister named Aquarius."

"No, she's named Virgius, which is worse," Scorpius pouted. Suddenly, he noticed Hugo's flaming red hair under the lamplight.

"I like ginger hair," he said, approaching Hugo.

Ron's eyes widened. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Everyone looked at Ron strangely. There was an awkward silence. Crickets could be heard in the background. Ron blushed.

"But I like AS/S more," Scorpius added, breaking the silence. He pinched Albus-Severus on his rear end.

Albus-Severus blushed and stepped nervously behind Lily. She rolled her eyes.

"You’re not the only one who likes ass," Ginny added, taking another swig from her flask and glancing over at Harry. "My husband’s patronus is a stag and his former potion master’s was a doe. I can do the math, honey."

"How dare you disrespect the dead!" Harry shrieked. "After all this time, I will ALWAYS remember Severus as the bravest, raunchiest bottom I’ve ever… um…"

Hermione approached Harry. "Don't worry, Harry. Ron likes ass, too," she said. "He keeps telling me ‘Oops, wrong hole’ is a kinky Wizard Sex game, but it’s not listed in Hogwarts: A History under Ministry-approved mating practices."

Ron stumbled backwards into the train in horror.

"Did somebody say ‘Oops, wrong hole’?" George asked, strolling by wearing a studded leather daddy outfit with a spiked collar and leading the scantly-clad ghost of his brother Fred by a magical leash. The Resurrection Stone was prominently displayed on George's ring finger. "We love to play with holes, right Freddie?"

George cracked a magical whip on Fred's exposed arse. Fred nodded and began panting like a dog. Ron fainted. As Ron regained consciousness, George led Fred away.

Suddenly James ran over from the other side of the platform.

"Our Teddy," he gasped. "Teddy Lupin! Shagging our Victoire! Our cousin! And I asked Teddy what he was doing –"

"You interrupted them?" Ginny said. "You are so like Ron."

Ron blushed again. Hermione helped him climb to his feet.

"Um… is Victoire a man or a woman?" Scorpius asked.

"It's actually a hermaphrodite," Draco said, smirking.

Hermione shot him a menacing glare. "(S)he's an intersex individual, Malfoy."

Harry smacked Draco on the back of his head.

“Ow!” Draco said, grabbing his wand.

“That’s my cousin you’re talking about,” Harry warned, grabbing his wand as well.

Hermione grinned. Draco, Goyle and Scorpius glared at Harry.

“Do I detect… sexual tension?” Ginny asked.

“Ya think?” James, Lily and Albus-Severus responded in unison.

Harry and Draco put their wands away. Teddy Lupin approached from the distance.

"Harry, may I ask you something?" Teddy said, as he drew near.

"Yes, you can move in with us," Harry replied. "Actually you can share my bed because my wife would love to sleep on the living room sofa."

"You want to fuck my nephew, you piece of shit?!" Ginny screeched, taking another swig of firewhiskey. "And for the record, we don't have a living room. We live in a fucking tent!"

"As if you haven’t been shagging my cousin Dudley, you filthy wretch!" Harry shrieked, lighting another cigarette. "And yes, the North-East corner of our tent IS our living room!”

"We’re growing up dysfunctional!" Lily complained. James, Albus-Severus, Rose, Hugo and Scorpius nodded in agreement. Everyone else ignored them.

"That wasn’t… what I wanted." Teddy said, trying to get Harry’s attention.

Harry turned to him. "No? Then… what is it?"

"I want to know… how my parents died," he said, a tear trickling down his cheek. "My therapist said that the only way I can move past my devastating loss is to know what happened. I need to know every detail. Please."

"Umm… well they… er… died in… battle," Harry said, putting out his cigarette.

"And…" Teddy asked.

"It was really a great death. And they were very… er… dead." Harry gave Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Draco a pleading look. They all shrugged.

Tears streamed down Teddy’s face. “Did my parents die madly in love with each other?” he asked.

“Actually, your father told me that marrying your mum was a grave mista—“

Hermione smacked Harry. “Of course they died in love each other,” she insisted. “It’s not like Remus knocked Tonks up and was forced to have a shot-gun wedding, right, Harry?”

“Oh… of course… right,” Harry lied.

Hermione conjured up a white handkerchief and gave it to Teddy. He wiped his tears away.

Suddenly, a sexy black-haired witch with flaming red eyes and a bad nose job approached them, her eyes fixed firmly on Harry.

"Who’s that?" he asked, instinctively reaching for his wand.

"It’s Voldette," Teddy said. "She's the bastard love child of Luna Lovegood and the Dark Lord. I used to date Voldette during my fifth year and now she sends Nargles to perform the Cruciatus curse on all of my girlfriends."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Victoire’s high-pitched scream echoed throughout the platform.

"See," Teddy said.

Voldette stood inches away from Harry. "I hear you pack a big deathstick," she cooed seductively. "Can you whip it out?"

Ginny started laughing hysterically, spilling firewhiskey everywhere. Harry turned bright red and elbowed his wife. She grimaced at him.

"Maybe some other time," Voldette said, winking at Harry. She turned and boarded the Hogwart’s Express.

James, Albus-Severus, Rose, Teddy and Scorpius all quickly boarded the train after her. Lily stayed behind, looking distraught.

A great number of students were hanging out of the windows facing Harry.

"Why are they all staring?" Albus-Severus demanded.

"THEY'RE STARING AT ME!" Ron announced.

There was an awkward silence. Crickets could be heard in the background. Draco smirked.

"Let's go, Ron," Hermione said, looking thoroughly humiliated. She quickly led her husband and son off of the platform.

"GOOD RIDDANCE, BITCH!" Ginny cried out after her. "STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND!"

"Shut it, you alcoholic shrew!" Harry said. "I've had enough of your mouth for one lifetime."

The train began to move. Draco and Goyle waved goodbye to their son and left the platform.

Ginny took another swig of firewhiskey. "Am I embarrassing you, honey?" she asked her husband.

"Embarrassing me? You've humiliated me one too many times. I want a divorce!"

"YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" Ginny shrieked.

"Here they go again," James said, waving good bye to his parents from the train. Albus-Severus shook his head in disbelief. Lily left her parents’ side and began sprinting toward the moving train.

"Wait for me," Lily yelled.

"I want a BLOODY divorce!" Harry said defiantly to Ginny.

"FUCK YOU, HARRY!" Ginny screeched. "I BORE YOUR THREE CHILDREN! I LET YOU DROP OUT OF SCHOOL AND BE A VAGABOND FOR NINETEEN YEARS! I RAISED OUR FAMILY IN A FUCKING TENT!"

Lily leapt onto the moving train. Her siblings pulled her into the train car.

"I LET YOU SQUANDER YOUR INHERITANCE CHASING EVERY USED PIECE OF WIZARDING ARSE YOU COULD GET YOUR HANDS ON!" Ginny shouted. "I TOLERATED YOUR BULLSHIT FOR TOO LONG!"

The train rounded a corner and disappeared out of sight.

"MY BULLSHIT?" Harry hollered. "I MARRIED YOU OUT OF PITY BECAUSE YOU WERE SO DESPERATE TO MARRY HARRY FUCKING POTTER AND BECAUSE DRACO, LUCIUS, RON, GEORGE, PERCY, BILL, CHARLIE AND YOUR FATHER WERE ALL UNAVAILABLE AND BECAUSE SEVERUS, SIRIUS, REMUS, ALBUS, CEDRIC, FRED AND TOM RIDDLE WERE ALREADY DEAD! I LISTENED TO YOU BITCH AND WHINE AND MOAN FOR NINETEEN FUCKING YEARS AND YOU EXPECT ME TO HOLD DOWN A FUCKING JOB ON TOP OF THAT? DO YOU REALIZE THAT…?”

Harry looked around the platform momentarily. "Umm… is she gone?"

Ginny nodded, taking another swig of firewhiskey. “How far d’you think she’ll get this time?”

“Hogsmeade?” Harry suggested. He lit another cigarette.

“I think she’ll make it to the Great Hall,” Ginny said.

Harry put his arm around his wife. “So how much time does that give us?” he asked.

“At least a few hours,” Ginny replied, grabbing Harry’s cigarette and taking in a long puff of smoke. “Do you want to… um…”

“Fuck?” Harry suggested.

Ginny glowered at him. “Your so crass, Harry.”

“I know, honey,” he smirked. “So it’s now or never, isn’t it?”

Ginny nodded. “But I’m not using Polyjuice this time,” she warned.

“You don’t want to be Malfoy?” Harry asked, surprised. “But I plucked five fresh hairs when I smacked him for insulting Victoire!”

Ginny shook her head adamantly. “He’s balding,” she said. “You should really send those hairs back with an apologetic note and a roll of duct tape.”

Harry frowned. “How about Severus?” he begged. “COME ON! He had a full mane!”

“He’s been dead for almost two decades,” Ginny replied.

“That hasn’t stopped us before,” Harry insisted.

“HARRY JAMES POTTER!”

Fin

------

PLEASE REVIEW!

Finally...

2007-07-22T20:25:13Z

So I finished reading DH. Finally! I actually avoided the fandom for over a month to avoid getting nailed by spoilers the way that I did when I stumbled upon a "In book 6, Dumbledore dies" icon a few days before book 6 came out.

So what did you all think? I loved it!

Whoo hoo!

2007-06-13T07:22:36Z

Congrats to daylyn and Team Wartime for winning the Snarry Games!!!

Spaced out

2007-06-05T08:15:46Z

Hi all,

For those of you who haven't seen On The Lot, you have to watch this HYSTERICAL one-minute comedy short about (barfing) space aliens called "Spaced Out." Enjoy!

Legally Blonde: The Musical

2007-06-04T20:11:29Z

Hi all,

So I went to see Legally Blonde: The Musical on Broadway last weekend.

Does that make me really gay or really, really, really gay?

*shakes head*

And I actually enjoyed it...

*hides*

Preparation H during sex?

2007-06-02T14:16:55Z

Hi all,

So I know that I haven't posted a hilarious excerpt from gay_sex_tips for ages, so here it goes:

POST:

preperation h. does it make sex better for the top? i wanna suprise my boyfriend!

REPLIES:

1) Umm....use water-based lubricant, dude.~~N

2) Prep H makes sex better for the bottom if said bottom has hemorrhoids. I have to agree with the other poster, the top would probably rather some good water or silicone based lube :) (No silicone based lube with silicone toys tho, it makes them melt)

3) errr NO!!, not the best of ideas...

I have no words...

Two Snarry fics!

2007-06-01T18:27:35Z

Hi all,

So Daylyn and I wrote the fic Dawn as a gift for unbroken_halo as part of hpvamp's Be My Vampentine fic exchange. The fic has never been linked on my LiveJournal, so here it is:

Title: Dawn
Authors: arrmaitee and daylyn
Genres: Angst and Romance
Ship: Severus/Harry
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: While on his deathbed, Severus makes a final request of Harry, his vampire lover.
Original request (summarized): Severus/Harry where Severus is the one to convince Harry to bond/court/what have you.

I also recently worked on Daylyn's fic The Last Horcrux which was posted at snarry_games.

Title: The Last Horcrux
Author: daylyn
Team: Wartime
Genres: Angst and Romance (and humor, of course)
Prompt: Horcrux
Ship: Severus/Harry
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3100+
Summary: In the aftermath of Harry's duel with Voldemort, Harry and Severus realize that there is one last Horcrux that has yet to be destroyed.

Enjoy!

Hello

2007-05-30T14:23:40Z

Hi all,

I just wanted to take a moment to say hello to flist and you all know that I miss you and that I'm still alive. This has been a horrible year for me in RL, and I've just withdrawn to my proverbial cave, so to speak. But hopefully I'll be re-inspired once Book 7 rolls around.

My Godfather died this weekend. Now granted this was foreseeable and we weren't particularly close, but it's just one more tragedy that I've had to deal with in recent months. And coupled with my dad's recent heart attack, my grandmother's death, and other family-related hospitalizations, I am beginning to get numb.

Honestly, I dread when my mom calls me on her cell phone now because I'm classically conditioned to think that somebody died or is really sick. Maybe that's what RL is about, but I've never had this much RL drama in a few months time.

Whatever. I'm sorry I haven't responded to comments lately but I do read them - I just don't have much to say right now.

Except for one thing -- fuck Warriors for Innocence! I wish those folks an afterlife filled with lots of Fred/George slash and staged readings from pornish_pixies.

Bloody hell

2007-05-06T05:59:07Z

My grandmother died today. Her death, coupled with my father's heart attack three months ago, is quickly setting the stage for one of the worst years I've ever had. Life really is remarkably fleeting.

I don't know what else there is to say.

Alan Rickman

2007-05-04T00:16:14Z

Hi all,

So I met Alan Rickman at the premiere of Nobel Son at the Tribeca Film Festival on Saturday. He's really tall, was very nice and he talks just like Severus in person. And, of course, the movie was awesome!

Cheers,
Arr

New fic!

2007-05-03T20:38:23Z

Hi all,

So I worked with daylyn on her fic The Last Horcrux which was recently posted at snarry_games. Enjoy!

Title: The Last Horcrux
Author: daylyn
Team: Wartime
Genres: Angst and Romance (and humor, of course)
Prompt: Horcrux
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3100+
Summary: In the aftermath of Harry's duel with Voldemort, Harry and Severus realize that there is one last Horcrux that has yet to be destroyed.

Please review at the snarry_games site. Thanks!

Dog and cat diaries

2007-04-20T18:13:12Z

daylyn forwarded to me these hysterical dog and cat diaries, so I figured I'd share them with my flist. I am still dealing with RL issues, which is why I am MIA. But I will be back.

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...