Arrmaitee (arrmaitee) wrote,

Seven Days - Chapter 3

Seven Days - Chapter 3

September 16, 1996. Tuesday.

Day 1

Draco was really pissed. All these years, he had been saving his virginity so that his first time with Potter would be special, and now he was going to be fucked by a videoman with a 14 inch cock who… wait a minute? Did he just say he was saving his virginity for Potter?! That’s preposterous! Never! Ever! Ever! Although Harry does look like he has a nice package. No he doesn’t! He’s gross! Disgusting! Eeeew! Yuck! Mmmm… Mmmm? And since when had he started calling him Harry?

Draco slapped his face a few times. He must be hallucinating. The video had made him lose his mind. He had never been saving his virginal flower for Potter… obviously he always wanted his first time to be with… uh… Pansy… yeah Pansy… before she cracked-up, that is…

“Hi Draco,” Colin Creevey said, snapping a few photographs of the blonde Malfoy heir as he was walking back to Slytherin Dungeon. The sudden flash of light from the camera made Draco dizzy.

“What the fuck are you doing, Creevey?” Draco mumbled, regaining his balance.

“Nothing. I just needed your photograph for my B.I.L.S. photo album,” Colin replied, taking several more shots of Draco.

“B.I.L.S.?” Draco questioned.

“Blokes I’d Like to Shag. Harry, of course, is my first choice, my ne plus ultra of studmuffins, my tall dark and handsome beefcake. I mean, he has those incredible piercing green eyes and delicious chocolaty hair and that devastating hard body and…”

“All right already,” Draco growled. “Then what the fuck are you taking my picture for?”

“Well, last I heard Harry was straight, so…”

Draco’s eyes hardened. He was about to grab his wand and hex Creevey into oblivion when suddenly he had a better idea. He put his arm around the younger boy and whispered, “Colin, would you.. uh… like to go on a date and maybe… watch a video?”


Draco entered the Slytherin Dungeon. He rewound the video, waiting for that bloody Creevey to arrive for their “first date.” He was late. Draco glanced at his watch, annoyed. Suddenly, it occurred to Draco that this might still be a set up. What if Potter sent Creevey on this date to steal the video? Without the tape, Draco knew he couldn’t possibly decipher its secrets, and would thus have to fork over his crown jewel to the videoman. That was outrageous! He would have to make a copy, just in case.

Colin walked into the Common Room just as Draco finished duplicating the video. “Uh, Draco,” Colin uttered uneasily, looking at the newly developed pictures. “You should probably see this.”

“It can wait till after the movie,” Draco stated. He couldn’t wait to get his revenge on this stupid prat.

“Umm, no… I don’t think it can,” Colin replied nervously. “Actually, I gotta go… right now.”

Colin dropped the photographs on the floor and dashed out of the room before Draco could force him to watch the movie.

“Does that mean I am no longer Harry’s second?” Draco cried out facetiously. There was no answer. The room was strangely quiet. Draco walked over and picked up the photographs that were scattered on the Slytherin Common Room floor.

He looked at them and gasped. In each photo, Draco was foaming at the mouth, and there was a giant bandage pasted over his arse.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!” Draco screamed. This had to be trick photography. Now he knew this was all Potter’s doing. Potter set him up. Potter planted the video. Potter delivered the owl. Potter sent Creevey there to terrorize him. Potter…

Draco froze… suddenly noticing his reflection in the antique mirror. In his reflected image, his mouth was foaming and there was a large bandage covering his arse.


Severus walked very slowly up the creaky stairs of the Astronomy Tower, levitating a TV and VCR, and carrying a backpack full of x-rated videos. When he arrived at the top, he peered through the window in the door at Pansy Parkinson. She was ghostly pale, and her face bore a disturbing clownish smirk. This was going to be interesting.

Severus entered the room and placed the TV, VCR and videos in front of Pansy. Her eyes lit up.

“You’ve come!” Pansy screamed, ripping off her top. “You come back for me!”

“Oh, yes I have,” Severus smirked, ready to pounce. He started unbuttoning his trousers.

Pansy leapt on top of the television and started kissing the screen violently.

“Um… I’m over here… um Pansy…” Severus cooed.

“Climb out of the TV and fuck me!” Pansy shrieked, whipping out her fourteen inch dildo. Severus rubbed his hands together with anticipation.

“Oh yes, he’s gonna climb right out… right out, baby. Actually, I’m right here now if you need a surrogate,” Severus moaned.

“Professor,” Draco exclaimed, marching into the Astronomy Tower and grabbing Snape by the arm.

“Not now Malfoy, I’m… busy!” Snape hissed.

“Oh my god, fuck me!” Pansy shrieked, her eyes glistening as she lubricated her toy.

“But Professor, it’s urgent… please!” Draco shouted.

“Not this urgent!” Snape maintained, trying to fixate his eyes on Pansy.

“Oh fuck me! Climb out of the TV and fuck me!” Pansy screamed, ready to mount herself with her toy.

“Pansy, will you shut up!” Draco barked. “Professor, please… it’s about the video... the freaky video that deflowers you seven days after you watch it. Blaise and Millicent viewed it last week and I... I watched it last night. I've watched the video, sir! I’m next…”

“FUCK ME!” Pansy moaned, thrusting her toy inside her.

“Oh no, Draco. I'm definitely next. I got here first,” Snape replied adamantly.

“FUCK ME NOW!” Pansy shrieked again.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Draco yelled back, yanking Snape away from the orgasmic girl.

“That’s fifty points from Gryffindor… I mean Slytherin, Malfoy!” Snape roared, enraged that he was missing the show.

“SEVERUS!” Albus exclaimed, storming into the room. “What in the name of Merlin are you…?”

“It was Malfoy, sir,” Snape stammered. “He was… uh… visiting his housemate… and he… er… didn’t want her to be lonely so he brought a TV, VCR and some x-rated videotapes and…”

Albus’ eyes slanted.

“Two hundred points to Slytherin for being so thoughtful, Malfoy,” Snape rasped, grabbing Draco and leading him briskly out of the room.

Once outside, Snape's voice dropped to a low whisper. “About that cherry-popping video... be a good boy and give it to me now.”


Please Review!

Tags: harry potter, humor, parody, slash

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  • A thought

    Shagging Snape is love! Enough said...

  • fanfiction

    so aside from (which refuses to die), where is the bulk of hp fanfiction posted these days? twitter? Posted via LiveJournal app…

  • Question

    So I was scrolling through a number of HP communities that I used to frequent when I was active in the fandom several years ago and a lot of them are…