Arrmaitee (arrmaitee) wrote,

Seven Days - Chapter 6

Seven Days - Chapter 6

September 18, 1996. Thursday.

Day 3



“Pretty please.”

“I said no.”

“I’ll be your best friend.”

“Malfoy, if I agree to fuck you, we’ll be much more than friends.”

“But Harry, it’s the only way I can break the curse.”

“Umm… I think I’d be the one breaking the curse, Malfoy, and… um… just no.”

A solitary tear trickled down Draco’s cheek. He threw himself on his knees in front of Harry. “If you won’t do it for me, Harry… then… think of the fangirls.” Another tear stained Draco’s perfect right cheek. “Harry please, you have to listen to me. This… this choice is much bigger than you or me. We have millions of Harry/Draco fangirls who are skipping their homeroom classes right this very instant… foaming at the mouth… waiting for you to yank me up off the floor, throw me on top of my bed and ravage me senseless. How could you be so selfish as to deprive those virginal rabid fangirls of a gratuitous SQUEEEEEEE?”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Malfoy?"


Several moments of uncomfortable silence.

“We have fangirls?”

“Loads,” Draco replied, glowing.

“And they expect me to…”


“Well, in that case,” Harry replied, “they’d be very happy when I… umm… keep you pants on, Malfoy… as I was saying, they’d be very happy when I drag your unbuggered arse up to the Astronomy Tower to see if Pansy can help us identify the videoman so that we can stop him from deflowering you so that you can… I said keep your pants on, Malfoy… so that you can go get your cherry popped by someone else and so I can destroy the tape and get back together with my girlfriend and give her my virginity and make the HARRY/CHO fangirls happy.”

“There are no Harry/Cho fangirls. Het is so passé.”

“I’m a trend setter.”


Several more moments of uncomfortable silence.

“Are you sure you won’t just stick the head in?” Draco pleaded.


“Pretty please.”


“You’re such a prick, Potter.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be your best friend…”


An hour later, a very sexually frustrated Draco and a very annoyed Harry arrived at the top of the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. Draco peered into the window of the room where Pansy was seated motionless, staring at a wall with a wicked smirk on her face. Pansy was wearing a pink, button down cardigan sweater and white pants, which disturbingly matched the white walls of the room.

“Pansy,” Draco said, entering the room with Harry, “How’re you… er… doing?”

Pansy didn’t reply. Draco and Harry crouched down in front of her on the floor.

“Move,” Pansy growled.

“What?” Harry and Draco asked.

“You’re blocking his way.”

Draco and Harry looked at Pansy strangely, then slid aside. On the white wall behind them was a pencil drawing of a television set with the face of the videoman sketched onto the screen. The videoman’s face was covered with hair, so it was unrecognizable.

“Blocking whose way?” Draco asked, pretending to ignore the spooky picture.

“Yoooooooou know,” Pansy replied, grinning devilishly.

“Pansy, can you tell us about the videoman?” Harry asked.

“I don’t speak to filthy stinking Gryffindors.”

Harry shuddered and slid backwards against the wall. Draco gave Harry an apologetic look, then turned back to Pansy.

“Pansy… it’s me, Draco. Your Drakey-Poo… your… er… boyfriend, remember?”

“Ex-boyfriend,” Pansy replied, still staring at the picture on the wall.

“Umm… yeah… ex-boyfriend… well we… I mean… I… need…”

“I only have one boyfriend, Draco, and he’s coming for me.”

“Yeah, well, umm… he may be coming for me, too. I mean… but I might be able to change that with your help… I hope.”

There was no reply. Pansy’s glassy stare was daunting. Draco looked over at Harry, and Harry gave him a ‘keep prodding’ look.

“Umm, Pansy… sweetheart… while you’re waiting for him, maybe you could… er… help me out a bit. I mean… don’t you want to help a fellow pure blood Slytherin who accidentally watched the video?”

“It wasn’t an accident,” Pansy stated, suddenly grabbing Draco’s hand. Draco shuddered as Pansy opened him palm and ran her right index finger along his lifeline. “You wanted to know the truth, Draco. And now you’ll know everything… in four days.”

Draco’s eyes widened. “How did you know?”

Pansy had a wicked grin on her face. “You have four days left…”

“Pansy please, you have to help me,” Draco begged.

“You will know EVERYTHING in four days.”

“But… Pansy… I’ll do anything… just tell me how to stop him from coming.”

Pansy smiled devilishly. “If you want me to help you, Draco, then you’ll have to do something… for me. I might be nuts, but I’m still a cold-blooded Slytherin.”

Draco shuddered. “Er… what d’you want, Pansy?”

“Kiss for me.”

“What?” Draco responded.

“Kiss Harry Potter for me… nice and slow.”

“WHAT?” Harry shrieked.

“Consider this a parting gift from me to you, Drakey-poo. I’ve always known you were a closet case with a thing for Scarface, and I just want to piss Boy Wonder off.”

“But…” Harry whined.

“Now kiss,” Pansy commanded, “or leave… immediately!”

Draco looked over at Harry and gave him a ‘well?’ look. Harry replied with an ‘oh, hell no’ look. Draco batted his eyelashes innocently and gave Harry an ‘oh please please please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease’ look.

Finally, Harry surrendered and approached Draco, glared at Pansy, and then placed his hands around Draco’s waist. Draco and Harry moved closer to each other. Draco felt Harry’s breath ghosting over his face as their mouths inched closer...

“What is going on here?” Snape bellowed, kicking open the door, levitating a TV, VCR and some x-rated videos. Harry and Draco’s eyes widened. Snape saw the two of them intertwined together, and accidentally stopped the levitation spell in horror. The TV crashed down onto the floor and shattered on impact.

“Oh dear God,” Snape rasped. “Potter and Malfoy... together? One hundred points from Slytherin and Gryffindor for... I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Oh, leave the boys alone, Sevvy, they’re in love,” Remus added, sauntering into the room.

“WE ARE NOT IN LOVE!” Harry shrieked, stumbling backwards, turning ghost pale and fainting.

Snape glared at Remus. “You deal with them, Wolfie,” he rasped.

“Don’t act so bitter, Sevvy. You know you want to be sandwiched in between them.”

Snape turned green. “I am gonna be sick,” he stated, making mad dash down the stairs for the men’s room.

“Buh bye, boys,” Remus stated, levitating the remains of Severus’ TV, VCR and videos out of the room and closing the door.

Several moments of uncomfortable silence passed.

“Umm… could you lock the door?” Harry asked, beginning to recover from passing out.

Draco uttered a locking charm, then turned to Pansy. “Pansy,” Draco pleaded. “Please help me. You have to tell me how…”

Harry interrupted Draco’s whining by kissing him passionately. Draco’s face flushed and, after about thirty seconds, he broke off the kiss to gasp for breath.

Harry turned to face Pansy. “Pansy, we did what you wanted. Now tell us who’s the guy in the video.”

“I still don’t speak to filthy, stinking Gryffindors.”

Harry glared at her, then turned to Draco.

“Pansy, who is the bloke in the video?” Draco asked desperately.

“I don’t know. I never watched it,” Pansy replied.

“You manipulative bitch!” Harry screamed.

Pansy grinned. Draco ignored him.

“But Pansy, then how’re we supposed to know who he is?” Draco whined.

“Maybe you should watch the video again,” Pansy responded.

“She has a point, Harry,” Draco added. Harry swatted him.

Suddenly, Draco’s eyes lit up. “Pansy, if Harry shags me before the videoman arrives… will that… er… break the curse?”

Harry shot Draco a death glare. Draco smirked.

“You should ask Blaise,” Pansy replied.

“But, Blaise is still comatose… he might not recover until next week.”

“Pity,” Pansy said. “Poor Blaise had the same plan after he watched the video. He was sure that if he just gave up his virginity before his seven days passed, then the videoman wouldn’t come for him. But unfortunately for Blaise, the videoman still came. Don’t you see, Draco. It was Blaise’s destiny to be shagged by the videoman. And Blaise could not thwart that destiny by giving up his virginity to Cho.”

End of Chapter 6

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Tags: harry potter, humor, parody, slash

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  • fanfiction

    so aside from (which refuses to die), where is the bulk of hp fanfiction posted these days? twitter? Posted via LiveJournal app…

  • Question

    So I was scrolling through a number of HP communities that I used to frequent when I was active in the fandom several years ago and a lot of them are…

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