Arrmaitee and Daylyn
SLASH! PARODY! In this long anticipated sequel to Seven Days, Draco and Harry run off to the countryside to hide from the mystery man who wants to plunder Draco’s precious chamber. But safety is fleeting, as Draco soon finds Harry becoming more and more like the mystery man himself.
This parody is RATED HARD R and includes HARRY/DRACO SLASH!
This parody is not authorized by and is in no way associated with Koji Suzuki or his novel Ringu, the Japanese cinematic adaptations of the book, entitled Ringu, Ringu 2, and Ringu 0:Basudei, or the American adaptations of the book, entitled The Ring and The Ring Two.
This parody is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, and various publishers, including but not limited to: Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made by this story and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Ron glanced at his watch. It was 8:43 PM. He was sitting alone on a bench overlooking the Hogwart's lake; his eyes gazed nervously across the dark shimmering water. Where was she? Ron was suddenly jolted by the sound of soft footsteps.
"Hermione?" he called out into the vast blackness. "Is that you?"
"Ron?" Hermione replied. "There you are."
Ron turned and saw Hermione approaching the lake from the distance, led by the luminous tip of her wand. They made eye contact as she advanced toward him.
"Are you all right?" she asked, concerned.
Ron shook his head. "Hermione, I… I need your help," he stammered.
"Of course, Ron," she replied, sitting down next to him.
"You have to promise that you won't be upset."
"Ron, I won't be upset. What's wrong?"
"I need you to help me fuck Harry," Ron stated.
"WHAT?" Hermione screeched.
"You promised you wouldn’t be upset," Ron whined.
"UPSET? RONALD, I'M SHOCKED. I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THAT YOU WERE GAY!"
"But I'm not gay!" Ron insisted.
"Of course you’re not," Hermione said. "Fucking your best mate is a perfectly heterosexual thing to do."
"Hermione, you don't understand," Ron said. "I'm not gay. I never said that I want to shag Harry. I said that I need to shag Harry. There's a difference."
"Oh, for heaven's sake, Ron. That's even worse."
"But you don't understand," Ron said desperately. "I watched the video."
"The video?" Hermione asked skeptically.
"The one that deflowers you in seven days! Blimey, I… I didn't know what it was. Seamus dared me into watching it. And when I turned it on it… was bizarre. I saw a magnificent arch and then I saw Harry’s Mum combing her hair in a mirror, and suddenly a sixteen-year-old Sirius Black started shagging her, and then Remus walked in and Sirius began buggering him, too!"
"Ronald Weasley, do you actually think I would help you fornicate with Harry because you got turned by watching amateur porn of his godfather getting it on with his Mum and one of our professors?" Hermione stood up and turned to walk away. "Have you no shame?"
Ron looked at his watch. 8:53 PM. He grabbed her hand.
"Let go of me, Ron," Hermione insisted, pulling away.
"Hermione please," Ron pled in desperation. "You have to listen to me. When I finished watching the video, I received an owl post. It read, 'YOU WILL BE DEFLOWERED IN SEVEN DAYS!' That was seven days ago. I'm running out of time. I need to shag Harry. It's the only way that I can break the curse and spare my precious virginity from being plucked by the undead!"
"All right, Ron, come with me."
"Then you'll help me?" Ron gasped.
"Yes," Hermione replied. "I'm taking you to Poppy."
"But I thought you understood!"
"Ron, I understand that you’re losing your mind. There is no video. Sirius Black is dead. And I have a bit too much dignity to help you sleep with Harry…"
Ron looked at his watch. 8:57 PM. "Please Hermione," Ron said, weakly. "I'm scared."
Hermione looked at Ron. From the light of her wand, she could see that he was ghost pale and obviously trembling. She shook her head in disbelief.
"All right, let's go talk to Harry. And if you can convince him of your preposterous theory…"
"But I can't talk to Harry," Ron sobbed. "Draco's guarding him. He won't let anyone near him."
"So what do you expect me to do?" Hermione asked.
"I need you to stupefy Draco for at least five minutes so that I can have my wicked way with Harry before his godfather climbs out of a television to deflower me."
"Is that all?"
"What d'you mean?" Ron asked.
"I would think that it would take longer than five minutes to seduce Harry, who, I might mention, is in a committed relationship with the boy that you want me to stupefy, and then of course for you two to… erm… complete the act."
"Hermione, these are desperate times! I only have time for a quickie!"
"I can see that."
"So what are we waiting for?"
In the distance, two owls flew towards Ron bearing a large package. Ron looked at his watch again. 9:00 PM. "Were too late!" he cried, as the owls dropped the package at the foot of the bench that they were sitting on.
"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked, opening the package. "Oh look, somebody sent you a television."
"Noooooooo!" Ron screeched.
"Ron, the television isn't plugged in," Hermione said. "Don't you realize this is a joke? A sick, twisted joke. And I will curse whomever…"
Hermione froze as the television suddenly turned on. First, there was static and then a picture of a magnificent arch appeared.
"Hermioneeeee," Ron cried, terrified. Hermione drew her wand and pointed it at the screen.
The television burst into flames. But from the flames, a hand reached out. Suddenly, a sixteen year old Sirius Black climbed out of the burning television, his fourteen inch cock lubed and ready.
"No! You can’t have him!" Hermione screamed, pointing her wand at Sirius. Ron cowered behind her.
"Move aside, bitch," Sirius said, snapping Hermione's wand in two and tossing her out of the way. He grabbed Ron and pulled him onto the bench.
"Are you ready to play 'Pop Goes the Weasel’?” Sirius asked, winking.
End of Chapter 1
Authors' Note: This HP fanfic is a parody of the movie The Ring Two. We hope you enjoy it!