Arrmaitee's LiveJournal -- Harry Potter Parody Archive:


My Very Slashy Harry Potter Parodies:

The Very Secret LiveJournals

The Very Secret LiveJournals - Season Two


Troll in the Fandom

The UNAUTHORIZED Goblet of Fire

Who Has The Will?

Seven Days

Seven More Days

The Very Secret Instant Messages

A Very Snarry Romance

The Misadventures of the Pink Protector

...And Then He Hit Puberty

The VamPotter Chronicles

How To Shag Without Thinking A Happy Thought

Who's Your Daddies?


The War Within

Top Ten Lists

Other Parodies

The Angst Fics


Humorous Posts

My Favorite Harry Potter Fanfics:

A Cry in the Dark

A Day in the Life of a Fandom Writer

Draco Dormiens

Dragon Tamer

Duhnuhnuhnuh-- WHO?

Estate of Sirius Black v. Ministry of Magic

Harry Potter and the Brisket Loaf

Harry Potter and the Hastily Developed Plotlines

His Screams Fill The Night

I Need…

I'm Not In Denial

Lust Over Pendle

Malfoy, P.I.

The Maurender's MST

Naked Quidditch Match





Unthinkable Thoughts

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(27 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Legally Blonde: The Musical [2007-06-04 13:09]
Hi all,

So I went to see Legally Blonde: The Musical on Broadway last weekend.

Does that make me really gay or really, really, really gay?

*shakes head*

And I actually enjoyed it...


(14 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Preparation H during sex? [2007-06-02 10:11]
Hi all,

So I know that I haven't posted a hilarious excerpt from gay_sex_tips for ages, so here it goes:


preperation h. does it make sex better for the top? i wanna suprise my boyfriend!


1) Umm....use water-based lubricant, dude.~~N

2) Prep H makes sex better for the bottom if said bottom has hemorrhoids. I have to agree with the other poster, the top would probably rather some good water or silicone based lube :) (No silicone based lube with silicone toys tho, it makes them melt)

3) errr NO!!, not the best of ideas...

I have no words...

(5 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Two Snarry fics! [2007-06-01 14:28]
Hi all,

So Daylyn and I wrote the fic Dawn as a gift for unbroken_halo as part of hpvamp's Be My Vampentine fic exchange. The fic has never been linked on my LiveJournal, so here it is:

Title: Dawn
Authors: arrmaitee and daylyn
Genres: Angst and Romance
Ship: Severus/Harry
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: While on his deathbed, Severus makes a final request of Harry, his vampire lover.
Original request (summarized): Severus/Harry where Severus is the one to convince Harry to bond/court/what have you.

I also recently worked on Daylyn's fic The Last Horcrux which was posted at snarry_games.

Title: The Last Horcrux
Author: daylyn
Team: Wartime
Genres: Angst and Romance (and humor, of course)
Prompt: Horcrux
Ship: Severus/Harry
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3100+
Summary: In the aftermath of Harry's duel with Voldemort, Harry and Severus realize that there is one last Horcrux that has yet to be destroyed.


(26 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Hello [2007-05-30 10:03]
[ mood | blank ]

Hi all,

I just wanted to take a moment to say hello to flist and you all know that I miss you and that I'm still alive. This has been a horrible year for me in RL, and I've just withdrawn to my proverbial cave, so to speak. But hopefully I'll be re-inspired once Book 7 rolls around.

My Godfather died this weekend. Now granted this was foreseeable and we weren't particularly close, but it's just one more tragedy that I've had to deal with in recent months. And coupled with my dad's recent heart attack, my grandmother's death, and other family-related hospitalizations, I am beginning to get numb.

Honestly, I dread when my mom calls me on her cell phone now because I'm classically conditioned to think that somebody died or is really sick. Maybe that's what RL is about, but I've never had this much RL drama in a few months time.

Whatever. I'm sorry I haven't responded to comments lately but I do read them - I just don't have much to say right now.

Except for one thing -- fuck Warriors for Innocence! I wish those folks an afterlife filled with lots of Fred/George slash and staged readings from pornish_pixies.

(45 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Bloody hell [2007-05-06 01:54]
[ mood | sad ]

My grandmother died today. Her death, coupled with my father's heart attack three months ago, is quickly setting the stage for one of the worst years I've ever had. Life really is remarkably fleeting.

I don't know what else there is to say.

(26 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Alan Rickman [2007-05-03 17:12]
Hi all,

So I met Alan Rickman at the premiere of Nobel Son at the Tribeca Film Festival on Saturday. He's really tall, was very nice and he talks just like Severus in person. And, of course, the movie was awesome!


New fic! [2007-05-03 13:36]
Hi all,

So I worked with daylyn on her fic The Last Horcrux which was recently posted at snarry_games. Enjoy!

Title: The Last Horcrux
Author: daylyn
Team: Wartime
Genres: Angst and Romance (and humor, of course)
Prompt: Horcrux
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3100+
Summary: In the aftermath of Harry's duel with Voldemort, Harry and Severus realize that there is one last Horcrux that has yet to be destroyed.

Please review at the snarry_games site. Thanks!

(23 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Dog and cat diaries [2007-04-20 14:09]

daylyn forwarded to me these hysterical dog and cat diaries, so I figured I'd share them with my flist. I am still dealing with RL issues, which is why I am MIA. But I will be back.


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

(13 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Hello again [2007-03-26 13:08]
Hi all,

I know I've been MIA for the past month due to RL issues, but I just wanted to drop you all a note to say hello.

I will actually be posting a fic in a day or two.


(48 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

I told you to RELAX all your muscles... [2007-02-16 22:59]

Not CLENCH them!

New Bottomless Equus Photo AhoyCollapse )

(16 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Thank you [2007-02-12 20:14]
I want to thank everyone who left me messages of support in the wake of my father's heart attack last Thurday. My father is doing much better now and was discharged from the hospital today. Hopefully, he will have as full of a recovery as possible.


(57 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Very bad day [2007-02-08 22:39]
[ mood | numb ]

Today was a very bad day. My father had a heart attack and I spent the whole afternoon with my mom in the Emergency Room. It was really scary. At one point, his pulse dropped from 70 to 30 in a matter of seconds and the nurse started screaming for help and I was just sitting there in the room, knowing there was nothing I could do other than hope and pray. Fortunately, his pulse stabilized, but the next few days will be really hard. I'll keep you posted.


(15 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Pan's Labyrinth [2007-02-04 18:57]
FYI - I saw Pan's Labyrinth in the movie theater today and it was AMAZING!

I highly recommend it.

(16 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Fantastic beasts [2007-01-30 15:07]
This pic should so be the new cover art for fantasticbeasts.

The PicCollapse )

(50 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

OMFG! [2007-01-30 10:00]
Dan Radcliffe has certainly grown up! Take a look at these hot new pics from Equus.

The fandom is going fucking nuts over this.

Hot!Shirtless!Cowboy!Dan PicsCollapse )

(52 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

New Fic [2007-01-23 08:55]
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

(25 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Oh Gosh… [2007-01-18 18:57]
So apparently a certain queen (using a sockpuppet LJ account) made a (now deleted) extensive post about how he feels incredibly guilty for cheating on his boyfriend of six months by shagging his best friend (a.k.a. his "sister" and former occasional fuck buddy). Well, apparently last night the sisters "decided to get stoned (off weed) and have a 'girls night' where [they] rented movies and pigged out and laughed" and fucked. Because what else would you do when your boyfriend is staying at his parents' house, your sister is sleeping in your bed, and you also happen to be "ABSOLUTELY HORNY" at 4:30 AM?

Well, the poster and his sister "woke up crying" and feel really guilty about this booty call. So now he poses the proverbial question: Should he tell his boyfriend or live with the guilt in secret?


1. You's a ho. Ho.

Okay, like, first off, sisters don't fool around, so ya'll are definitely not sisters. Me and my "sister" have made out a few times here and there, but that's about it. No big deal. One time we took a shower-bath together, but, nothing happened.

Basically, you's a ho, well, okay, I take that back. You're more or less a ho, than a man. Now I can see where you get love/sex turned around, but still, if you loved your boyfriend as much as you said you do, then you wouldn't have done the dirty, wrong, unforgivable thing that you did.

If you tell him, he'll dump you, maybe.

If you don't tell him, that guilt is stuck over top of your head. So, um, basically it's your decision. I would want my boyfriend to tell me if he did something like that. So that I could dump his ass.


(10 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

Seattle... [2007-01-17 22:33]
What the fuck was that?

OMG, those American Idol auditions were REALLY bad...

(24 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

American Idol [2007-01-17 11:23]
Ok, so how many of you all watched American Idol last night (with celebrity judge, Jewel)?

I loved the really fucked up auditions (even though last night's show is a tad boring)!

(The cowboy slaughtering Folsom Prison Blues nearly did me in)

(33 screams | Make Crabbe scream real loud!)

TAGGED! [2007-01-15 21:17]
I have been TAGGED by queenrissa.

RULES: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks.
Completion optional, but I'll love you more if you do!

1. I have have two graduate degrees from two different countries.

2. I have an elaborate stuffed animal collection.

3. I recently moved from New York to Los Angeles.

4. I love salami sandwiches.

5. I joined the fandom shortly after reading OOTP, a few days after it came out in summer 2003. I had never read any Harry Potter books before then.

6. My first parody was The Very Secret LiveJournals, which I started writing with daylyn while drunk on New Years Eve, December 31, 2003.

7. I started my LiveJounral on December 31, 2003 as a place to post my fanfiction. daylyn created hers a few months later.

8. daylyn and I have been RL friends for MANY years (but we still don't see eye to eye on H/D vs. Snarry).

9. I will eat almost any food except olives.

10. I used to have a CD from New Kids on the Block.

Tag, you're it....


ETA: elfgirljen, blowme_down and pirate_chick69 are tagged, too.

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